Dating a newly recovering alcoholic

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  1. How to Date Without Drinking
  2. Colin Farrell Calls Sober Sex Terrifying - Sober Dating Tips | Shape Magazine
  3. About the Author:
  4. Dating a Recovering Alcoholic

Whether or not someone chooses to avoid relationships for a period of time in early sobriety or not, certain aspects of dating a recovering alcoholic remain. It loosens us up. It releases endorphins, making us feel confident, good-looking, and hilarious. We have to feel all those feelings without liquid courage. And herein lies the crux in some ways, of dating and socializing in a drinking culture. Wine with dinner seems like the civilized thing to do.

Meeting for a drink at the bar after work or on a Friday night is seen as a great way to relax and unwind with friends. Meeting for drinks seems like the most common first date. Unlike illicit drugs, which are illegal in most of the world, drinking is often seen as harmless and socially acceptable — but alcohol is anything but harmless. That cost comes primarily from excessive drinking — bingeing on four or more drinks per evening, or drinking heavily all week long.

How to Date Without Drinking

Though the amount of alcohol consumed and the circumstances for example, in Italy, alcohol is imbibed most often along with food , it is clear that in most countries, alcohol plays a role in daily life. So, what is a sober person to do in a world of drinkers? And, more specifically, what is dating like for both the sober person and their partner? It is easy to create a list of drawbacks and reasons why it is unwise to date someone with a history of alcohol abuse the main one being: What if they relapse?

Colin Farrell Calls Sober Sex Terrifying - Sober Dating Tips | Shape Magazine

D, a certified sexuality educator. The high of a new relationship, the lows of a fading one, or simply the normal stresses of a regular one can all increase the urge to drink, she says, adding that this is why Alcoholics Anonymous discourages people from starting new relationships or igniting old ones during the first year of recovery current relationships are fine as long as the partner is supportive. However, if you want to be a loving and supportive part of their recovery, there are definitely some things you can do.

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Talk about your own drinking. Having a sober partner doesn't necessarily mean that you can never have a beer out with friends, Shuey says, but it depends on each individual. When in doubt, just don't drink," she says. Don't offer them alcohol. Recognize your relationship is different. These are skills you have to re-learn, both for the sober partner and the supporting partner.

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However, if your new date reveals he or she is a former addict, then it's important you don't make too much of an issue out of that fact. And it's essential that you do not dismiss their prior addiction as some kind of character flaw. Simply put, being a past addict should not equal doom for future relationships.

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It's likely he or she used to live a very different lifestyle to his or her current one. In fact, we recommend you positively embrace your date's recovery. And let's not forget that recovered addicts are often extremely healthy individuals. Many recovered addicts have spent countless hours educating themselves about nutrition, healthy eating, relationships, self-awareness and exercise. And this usually translates into a healthy and more active lifestyle the rest of us could only dream about!

Determine how long your new date has been in recovery.

Dating a Recovering Alcoholic

As a general rule, the longer your date has been in recovery the better. If your date has been in recovery for less than 12 months, know there is a greater risk of his or her relapse. Relapse is when a recovered addict returns to old addictive ways. And it really does go without saying that a relapse could result in an early termination of your hard-earned relationship.

In fact, some experts even advise that you should not start a relationship with somebody who has been in recovery for less than 12 months. Although I would not go this far, I would urge you to at least be aware that being in recovery for less than a year carries a substantially higher risk of relapse when compared to dating somebody with more than a year's worth of recovery experience. Recovered addicts are encouraged to actively work on their recovery. For this reason, there are many support groups located in most towns and cities catering for this need.

Being in recovery is more of a verb than a noun. This means the recovered addict should engage in an active program of recovery.

  1. How to Date a Recovered Alcoholic.
  2. The Ultimate Guide to Dating Somebody in Recovery | Renew Everyday.
  3. The Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Recovering Addict?
  4. The Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Recovering Addict?
  5. This typically involves attending support groups, partaking in hobbies that keep them occupied, volunteering and practicing self-help. Living in recovery definitely should not be about reluctantly avoiding alcohol and drugs. I thus advise you to subtly learn what steps your date is doing to stay in recovery.

    It is unlikely your new date will reveal his or her continued attendance to you, so go ahead and ask your date whether he or she still attends these support groups. This shows you are open-minded and willing to learn about what life is like in recovery.


    If your date confirms he or she does attend a support group, offer your support by offering to attend, too. If your date is an ex-alcoholic, then it goes without saying that you should really consider avoiding alcohol when out on a date. To do otherwise would be extremely insensitive to your date's position regarding alcohol. If you wish to develop a more serious relationship with your date, then we would recommend you consider giving up alcohol yourself.